September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As September comes to close, it felt important to share some topics on my blog to help promote suicide education and awareness. A reliable source I use often to receive quick information surrounding suicide and depression is called the Depression Project. Through their Instagram page, they provide a breakdown of different Mental Health matters that, as a therapist, I find myself referencing time and time again. The latest topic that really stood out to me is the “Alternatives to Saying “Stop Attention Seeking” to someone who is suicidal.
I feel this is important to mention because time and time again, I observe that a person who expresses thoughts of suicide can be viewed and treated as someone who is attention seeking. When it is identified as such, the common reaction is to then ignore or disengage, to not give it the attention they were seeking for. I sadly notice this even in discussions with other Mental Health Professionals and, as such, believe it is worth bringing some mindful attention.
Let me try to provide another perspective. If an individual is attention seeking often times, it is because they are in emotional distress, and is in need for compassion, vulnerability, and counsel. They are struggling to get through a painful emotion that to face alone is too much to sit with and bear. It could be from attachment issues based on previous trauma or abandonment, worthlessness and insecurity. It is important to remember that this is someone that is hurting, and feeling hopeless in their life. It is not up to any other person to decide or rate the importance of the feeling or how much attention it “should” deserve.
Our goal as a supportive loved one or professional is not to dismiss or be irritated by their pain, but rather help guide them through it. To remind them they are not a burden, they are important, they are heard, seen, valued, and understood, because at another point in their life they may have been made to feel the opposite. Emotions can be both wonderful, and also uncomfortable to live with. So much so, that even the most adjusted person will try to avoid their own emotions by denying them, repressing them, deflecting, using substances, etc.. Imagine, these uncomfortable emotions come in on top of Mental Health Issues and unresolved trauma. That is a level of pain that no one should have to face alone.
I challenge those who are reading this blog today to be aware of themselves with how often we make assumptions and judgements, rather then aim to understand and show compassion. That is key in prevention of suicide, alongside education and resources.
The Depression Project defined the “Alternatives to Saying “Stop Attention Seeking” to some one who is suicidal. The below is helpful language if you encounter someone experiencing suicidal thoughts;
I’m proud of you for reaching out.
It takes a lot of bravery to be real with me.
I appreciate your courage to be vulnerable and share your true state with me.
You may not feel safe in your mind but, I want you to know you can feel safe around me. I am not here to judge you.
I understand.
I hear you.
Another great point from the Depression Project is there is more we could do as a society then give people the number to a Crisis line. We should also;
Check in on loved ones instead of expecting those to reach out when they are suicidal.
Not bully, but instead be kind to each other.
Accept depression as an Illness rather then sadness, laziness, or an excuse.
Create a safe space for those who are suicidal to exist without the weight of expectations/obligations.
Suicide prevention is not only awareness, but the ability & willingness to safely hold someone’s emotions with them so they are not alone. It is more then posting Crisis lines from a website and dropping them off at an ER. It is a level of understanding, kindness, compassion, and connection that should not be taken lately whether it is through ideation or repetitive action and behavior.
Any further questions about suicide prevention awareness do not hesitate to reach out to Kelly@kellybakerlpc.com.