Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As September comes to close, it felt important to share some topics on my blog to help promote suicide education and awareness. A reliable source I use often to receive quick information surrounding suicide and depression is called the Depression Project. Through their Instagram page, they provide a breakdown of different Mental Health matters that, as a therapist, I find myself referencing time and time again. The latest topic that really stood out to me is the “Alternatives to Saying “Stop Attention Seeking” to someone who is suicidal.

I feel this is important to mention because time and time again, I observe that a person who expresses thoughts of suicide can be viewed and treated as someone who is attention seeking. When it is identified as such, the common reaction is to then ignore or disengage, to not give it the attention they were seeking for. I sadly notice this even in discussions with other Mental Health Professionals and, as such, believe it is worth bringing some mindful attention.

Let me try to provide another perspective. If an individual is attention seeking often times, it is because they are in emotional distress, and is in need for compassion, vulnerability, and counsel. They are struggling to get through a painful emotion that to face alone is too much to sit with and bear. It could be from attachment issues based on previous trauma or abandonment, worthlessness and insecurity. It is important to remember that this is someone that is hurting, and feeling hopeless in their life. It is not up to any other person to decide or rate the importance of the feeling or how much attention it “should” deserve.

Our goal as a supportive loved one or professional is not to dismiss or be irritated by their pain, but rather help guide them through it. To remind them they are not a burden, they are important, they are heard, seen, valued, and understood, because at another point in their life they may have been made to feel the opposite. Emotions can be both wonderful, and also uncomfortable to live with. So much so, that even the most adjusted person will try to avoid their own emotions by denying them, repressing them, deflecting, using substances, etc.. Imagine, these uncomfortable emotions come in on top of Mental Health Issues and unresolved trauma. That is a level of pain that no one should have to face alone.

I challenge those who are reading this blog today to be aware of themselves with how often we make assumptions and judgements, rather then aim to understand and show compassion. That is key in prevention of suicide, alongside education and resources.

The Depression Project defined the “Alternatives to Saying “Stop Attention Seeking” to some one who is suicidal. The below is helpful language if you encounter someone experiencing suicidal thoughts;

• I’m proud of you for reaching out.

• It takes a lot of bravery to be real with me.

• I appreciate your courage to be vulnerable and share your true state with me.

• You may not feel safe in your mind but, I want you to know you can feel safe around me. I am not here to judge you.

• I understand.

• I hear you.

Another great point from the Depression Project is there is more we could do as a society then give people the number to a Crisis line. We should also;

• Check in on loved ones instead of expecting those to reach out when they are suicidal.

• Not bully, but instead be kind to each other.

• Accept depression as an Illness rather then sadness, laziness, or an excuse.

• Create a safe space for those who are suicidal to exist without the weight of expectations/obligations.

Suicide prevention is not only awareness, but the ability & willingness to safely hold someone’s emotions with them so they are not alone. It is more then posting Crisis lines from a website and dropping them off at an ER. It is a level of understanding, kindness, compassion, and connection that should not be taken lately whether it is through ideation or repetitive action and behavior.

Any further questions about suicide prevention awareness do not hesitate to reach out to Kelly@kellybakerlpc.com.

Poem on Codependency

Codependency

Codependency is defined as the psychological condition or relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathlogical condition. A dependence on the needs of or control by another. As a therapist, talk therapy is something I always found very helpful with integration of other forms of expressions, such as Art, Music, Dance, Poetry, Writing, Movement. To model the different ways of expressing thought below I decided to share a poem I wrote on Codependency.

Codependency.

Darkness is hanging over me.

Heaviness,

I need to shed.

Emotionally you drew me in,

I dove to deep & now I can’t come out.

Drowning in Insecurity & Anxiety.

Looking for a life raft to rescue me?

I can’t see clearly,

So desperate to connect.

Am I being played by vulnerability?

Taking on your pain,

Can’t be present to what is right in front of me.

People who love themselves,

Would not let this dark energy take control.

Please let me heal now.

Codependency yet again,

Has taken it’s emotional toll.

Any questions on the topic of Codependency do not hesitate to reach out to Kelly@kellybakerlpc.com.

Self-Connection

Excited to be writing my first blog on my website! My first topic will be discussing the journey of reconnecting with myself.

I have come to believe in showing the parts of a therapist that make us human, can promote the true connection/application to introspection, and how no one is above the need to self-reflect and evolve.

As someone who works in psychotherapy, connecting to others has never been something that involved work on my end. That natural ability has fulfilled me, and drove me towards a field I can honestly say I love working in every day.

Turning that connection off on the other hand, requires constant mindful attention that doesn’t always feel good or easy to do. Though, is extremely necessary in accomplishing healthy balance, and preventing exhaustion or compassion fatigue.

When I interview clinicians, the most common area they identify as a “weakness” is bringing work home with them. As someone who promotes self-care, I feel that true self-care starts with having a strong 💪 relationship with yourself, asserting what you need, and establishing strong boundaries. I have recognized over the years to truly accomplish this it requires reflection on true self-fulfillment that we may be neglecting to the dependence of a relationship, job, or environment to do this for us.

When a person is led to believe that advocating their needs, feelings, is wrong or dismissed they may not feel natural doing so, and subject themselves to things that are not good for them. There is a level of guilt that goes in advocating for what they want and need in their life that results in anxiety, depression, and resentment.

As a therapist and person, my goal is to remind people that their feelings are valid. No matter who discounts them or dismisses them. They are valid! Helping someone navigate where to go with those feelings, and the thoughts that emerge from them, or the actions they take or don’t take because of them. Is where I have made my life focus.

I can honestly say I recognize now somewhere in this past year with the stress and crisis of COVID-19, I steered away from this. It had me feeling defensive of my actions, focused on right and wrong, judgmental of behaviors, and assuming things based in no evidence other then my own feelings. This perspective is not me at my core. I began to discover I wasn’t even aware of how burnt out I actually was. When we are burnt out or exhausted we can lose ourselves in the process. I knew I didn’t feel like myself but, I struggled to identify why.

When feeling lost, I often find taking space brings perspective, and allows the ability to best connect with myself. With much reflection I realized In a situation, where you feel you are exposed to toxicity there is always an opportunity to learn and grow if you let it.

To notice stress, toxicity, distrust, negativity, manipulation is healthy, and acknowledging it is important. To put energy there when there is no personal benefit other then feeling drained, depleted, guilty for putting up boundaries for self-care, is a painful place to keep energy. It can make you feel like a victim of your circumstances. When you feel like a victim of your circumstances, it can take you away from where you can flourish and truly present to the things that are good for your soul/life. This can be a hard habit to break for those who don’t feel they deserve too.

To acknowledge bad energy or vibes exist is important. I spent a lot of time trying to make bad energy good when maybe it had no desire to be, and wasn’t capable of it. I felt that I could not be good unless the energy around me was fixed first. Which often left me defeated, depleted, and helpless. Which is not a good place for a true optimist.

Today, I have centered back to what connects me to myself, and where my energy is best spent. That is no matter the flaw, the disappointment, the bad or good of a situation. I will always chose to focus on the beauty of it, of the person, the place. Rather then to control it or change it. I will always focus on my options rather then circumstances. The solution rather then the problem... I could go on.

I have choices of the part I play, the energy I bring, how that is received is no longer my concern. I know at the end of the day. I am always authentic, honest, genuine in my actions. I choose to put energy in myself first because, of that I can be the best version of myself to those around me.

That is MY job, no one else can do it for me. It is my job to be the best version of myself for myself. It is my job to be the best version of myself for those around me. For the clients I see, the staff I clinically supervise. Not let my own personal biases, judgements, effect what I consider valid or not in anyone else’s journey. Bringing myself back to this place where I can embody this and be total with confidence. I am whole🙏🏻. I manifest that I will continue on this journey of self-care, worth, and confidence professionally and personally. “Be who you are and, be that well.” Is a quote that always spoke to me. This week that has shown through.